Sunday, May 8, 2011

Things no one told me about being pregnant...

I'll be adding to this along the way, but here are a few surprises I've encountered.  Every woman is different, and with the way my life is I should have known that some pretty weird things would happen to me.

1.  My pants didn't fit after 7 or 8 weeks.  I imagined not needing maternity clothes until around 20 weeks.  Well, it didn't take long for my jeans to start cutting off my circulation.  I tried the belly band for a couple weeks but didn't really like it.  So I started full on into maternity jeans at 12 weeks and have been filling them in ever since.  I'm telling myself that because I have such a short torso the baby doesn't have anywhere to go but out.  That could be it, right?

2.  Speaking of maternity jeans, how awesome are those?  Why didn't I know about them sooner?  Every girl needs a pair for her "fat" days.  They're almost more comfortable than my yoga pants.  I'm wearing them forever.

3.  Most nights, I have these dreams that wake me with such vigor that I feel I've been a victim of inception.  I have the strangest dreams, but I can't tell you the content because you might judge me.  Let's just say there are a lot of small animals in my care in these dreams, and sometimes I eat them.  Well, I guess you think I'm weird now.

4.  My friend "projectile vomit" came to visit from weeks 5-10.  Then it left, but came back twice during week 15.  I thought it was supposed to magically leave at week 12.  All those blogs and books I'm reading are full of crap.

5.  Afterbirth.  I went to a baby fair and saw one on a slide show.  Yeah...  I didn't know about that. 

6.  People will suddenly feel compelled to tell you the worst pregnancy/labor/delivery scenarios they've ever heard of.  If it was something they saw on some obscure news program about a woman delivering a two-headed baby in Indonesia, you're going to hear about it.  I've started to cut these people off before they get too me, I do not need to know.

7.  Am I fat or am I pregnant?  I'm not one of the jerks [because I can't say what we all know I'm thinking]---"blessed" women who just gets to grow a basketball right out in front of her.  I have accepted the fact that I'm going to swell up like the girl who chewed Willy Wonka's gum and turned into a blueberry.  "Violet, you're turning violet!", remember?  But for right now, I sort of just look like I've gained 25 lbs all over my body.  I may be exaggerating, but this is how I feel. 

All I can say is that I'm glad this baby was a surprise because I would never do this on purpose.  :)


  1. If you think this is fun, just wait for breastfeeding!

    I can so relate to all of those statements! And yes, as a person with a short torso, you will go way out there. At least that's how it worked for me. As a matter of fact, Luke put so much pressure on my ribs because he was so big that the doc thought he may have broken one of my ribs. Turns out he just bruised me. We have called him the brute ever since.

    This is such an exciting time! Glamorous? No. Magical? Nuh-uh. But still exciting. So happy for you!

  2. I am excited for you! I had not heard the news. Glad I decided to pop over to your blog today.
    Blessings to you both...or all 3.
    This will be a fun time. Enjoy it all...except the projectile vomiting.
    Becky McCorvey