Things no one told me about being pregnant...

I'll be adding to this along the way, but here are a few surprises I've encountered.  Every woman is different, and with the way my life is I should have known that some pretty weird things would happen to me.

1.  My pants didn't fit after 7 or 8 weeks.  I imagined not needing maternity clothes until around 20 weeks.  Well, it didn't take long for my jeans to start cutting off my circulation.  I tried the belly band for a couple weeks but didn't really like it.  So I started full on into maternity jeans at 12 weeks and have been filling them in ever since.  I'm telling myself that because I have such a short torso the baby doesn't have anywhere to go but out.  That could be it, right?

2.  Speaking of maternity jeans, how awesome are those?  Why didn't I know about them sooner?  Every girl needs a pair for her "fat" days.  They're almost more comfortable than my yoga pants.  I'm wearing them forever.

3.  Most nights, I have these dreams that wake me with such vigor that I feel I've been a victim of inception.  I have the strangest dreams, but I can't tell you the content because you might judge me.  Let's just say there are a lot of small animals in my care in these dreams, and sometimes I eat them.  Well, I guess you think I'm weird now.

4.  My friend "projectile vomit" came to visit from weeks 5-10.  Then it left, but came back twice during week 15.  I thought it was supposed to magically leave at week 12.  All those blogs and books I'm reading are full of crap.

5.  Afterbirth.  I went to a baby fair and saw one on a slide show.  Yeah...  I didn't know about that. 

6.  People will suddenly feel compelled to tell you the worst pregnancy/labor/delivery scenarios they've ever heard of.  If it was something they saw on some obscure news program about a woman delivering a two-headed baby in Indonesia, you're going to hear about it.  I've started to cut these people off before they get too far...trust me, I do not need to know.

7.  Am I fat or am I pregnant?  I'm not one of the jerks [because I can't say what we all know I'm thinking]---"blessed" women who just gets to grow a basketball right out in front of her.  I have accepted the fact that I'm going to swell up like the girl who chewed Willy Wonka's gum and turned into a blueberry.  "Violet, you're turning violet!", remember?  But for right now, I sort of just look like I've gained 25 lbs all over my body.  I may be exaggerating, but this is how I feel. 

All I can say is that I'm glad this baby was a surprise because I would never do this on purpose.  :)