Pause

Because I've been so sporadic in blogging lately and will probably continue to be for the next few weeks, I realized that I should take a moment to post anything I've neglected to share.  Although I should probably be dusting something or cleaning my kitchen floors, allow me to pause for a bit and do some sharing. 

First, these Apple Cider Doughnut Holes from Sugarcrafter.  These are especially good when dunked in caramel and sprinkled with a little sea salt.  Just do it.

Here's a picture of my handsome husband after he got the carseat installed.  He's done such a great job on all this stuff.  Pretty soon he'll be putting together her first bike.

Here's one of the pooch.  This was when she was outside while Justin put the carseat in.  It was a warm day so she took the liberty of digging a hole for herself to lay in. 

Here's another one of her napping in the baby's room.

A couple of weeks ago we had a surprise visit from some friends who were in town.  The only thing cuter than this little chunk of a half-Asian baby is the one I'm giving birth to tomorrow.  :)

This picture is from Monday night.  We had a late appointment [when we found out all the info for the c-section] so we met our friends Jean and Chad for dinner.  Jean and I have been friends for about 8 years or so.  We lived together after college and have been there for all the big moments [the small ones, too].  We've definitely seen each other through the best and the worst.  I'm so glad we got to get together and I'm so thankful that she's going to be there with me tomorrow.  I couldn't ask for a sweeter friend!

Yesterday we went back to the hospital [have I mentioned that it's 120 miles round trip???] to do the pre-op and registration stuff.  We met lots of sweet encouraging people throughout our day.  It's amazing how many people will talk to you when you're about to pop.  I know Justin has been praying that we can use this opportunity to share Christ with others, even if it's just through a friendly conversation.  We went to lunch and did a little shopping [not to mention getting soaked as we dashed in and out of stores], and ended our "last date as just us" at Starbucks.  I can still remember the first time we went to this specific location about 7 years ago, long before we started dating.  I remember going to this Starbucks with him the night we started dating.  We used to stop for old time's sake when we visited Lexington while we lived out of state.  Feeling nostalgic, we just had to go yesterday.





Well, I think that's about all of the most recent things to share.  I guess I better go pack my suitcase. 







A Special Delivery

If I know myself, by this time tomorrow I'll have cleaned everything from top to bottom.  I'll have run out of things to do and I will either collapse from exhaustion or completely fall apart emotionally.  Actually, I imagine both of those things will happen; it's all a question of timing. 

You see, Friday morning we are going to deliver our baby girl by c-section.  She can't be born the normal way.  My body is not "normal".  I won't have the birth that I had imagined.  There is a small part of me that feels a bit cheated because I will probably never know what it's like to give birth naturally.  I wanted a vaginal, intervention-free, medicine-free birth.  I wanted to work hard and long for that baby to come out.  Yes, I know it sounds crazy.  I wanted to know that I could do it.

If I have learned anything in the last 40 weeks and 2 days [or 36 weeks since that's probably when I found out], it's that I am not in control.  I wasn't in control of my uterus releasing the egg that was fertilized, and I'm certainly not in control of how this little girl enters the world.  We are blessed to have a healthy baby with no real worries up until now.  I am so thankful for a doctor who was observant enough to notice a potential problem several weeks ago.  I'm thankful he kept that in mind as the pregnancy progressed to full-term and finally, to my due date.  Having a c-section is at the very least eliminating a stressful delivery for the baby but perhaps, it is saving her life. 

It's been kind of strange to have known since earlier this week the exact timing of her birth.  We've known her birthday would be Oct. 28 since Monday.  But God knew her birthday even before we were born.  It's so exciting to finally get to meet her, kiss her little feet and put bows in all that hair we've seen on the ultrasounds.  I have to say though, that I am terrified of being cut open.  My emotions keep swinging from really excited and happy to scared and sad.  Everyone says that c-sections are so "easy".  I can conceptualize that in some aspects but mostly, I'm having trouble with having to lie there and give up complete control of my body.  It isn't as if I have any control anyway, but it is the illusion of it that gives me comfort. 

My mind keeps going to dark places, full of fear for all of the "what ifs?" of surgery.  What if something goes wrong?  An infection, a blood clot...worse?  YIKES!  I used to worry a lot about something being wrong with the baby, but I seem to have a peace there.  I am afraid of something happening to me.  I'm sure that's normal.  I haven't really had a lot of medical issues in my life, thank goodness, and only one other surgery when I was 15 [I freaked out for that one as well].  I just want to get through to the other side without allowing my fears to rob me of too much of the good part of this experience.  The fact is, having a c-section is so contrary from all of the things I've read and researched.  The system that is in place for this type of delivery is necessary, but I worry that it might prevent the baby from having the best start in life.  What if I can't breastfeed her right away?  I can't do skin-to-skin as soon as she's born because I'll be incapacitated.  It makes me sad to think of her laying in her little bed in the nursery without me there.

Today we listened to a sermon from our former pastor.  The focus was not worrying about money, but I really needed to hear the encouragement not to worry.  If you can't tell, I struggle immensley with this.  My life's motto is: "Worrying works! 99% of what I worry about never happens."  But God hasn't called me to that.  If we say we follow Christ with our lives but don't trust Him, then we're really walking around as atheists because our lives don't reflect what we're saying with our mouths.  Of course no one wants to be cut open; naturally there are risks to any surgery.  But living life is a risk!  Because I say that He is Lord, I don't get to make the rules.  I don't get to trust God with our finances, our callings, our everyday needs but not with my very life.  It's all or nothing.

I have no doubt that we will all get through this.  It's one scary hour to get to another step in our life [a very cute and cuddly step!].  If you would like to pray for us, I have some specific requests:
*That I will have the peace that passes all understanding about having this surgery
*A healthy, pink baby that screams at the top of her lungs when she meets air
*There would be no infection, reaction to anesthesia or other complications
*A quick recovery for both of us so we can begin breastfeeding and bonding within just a few minutes of the surgery ending
*Safe travel for all of our family and friends coming to be with us

Thanks a lot and we'll keep you posted.  Can't wait to post some pictures of our little girl!

It's almost Halloween

I bet ya'll thought I done did gave birth already.  Well, I haven't.  Soon and very soon, though [we hope].

Have you been getting ready for Halloween?  We've kept it pretty simple around here this year since our focus has been preparing for a new baby.  There are a lot of things I've wanted to do, but I just don't have the energy.  I bet being this pregnant is almost the same as being like 105 years old.  I can get up and do something like load the dishwasher, but then I have to lay down.  We have a couple pumpkins on the porch and a mum that has all but dried up and died [but dead things work for Halloween decor too, right?].  I have some cute stuff up in the house and a guest even commented on the fact that I even had some fall decor in the bathroom.  Is that weird?  I always like to change things around for new seasons. 

I feel a little behind.  I haven't made homemade peanut butter cups yet or anything else festive.  I have been cooking a lot with pumpkin but mostly breakfast items for our college students on Sundays.  I did make a big batch of pumpkin granola from Two Peas and Their Pod.  Maria has some really great recipes on her site so check it out some time. 

Have you picked out your costume yet?  I'm hoping to go as not pregnant.  I'm looking forward to being home on Halloween this year with a snuggly baby and handing out candy to trick-or-treaters.  We never seem to be home on Halloween so I am going to enjoy it.  Here's a little costume advice: don't dress as a slutty anything.  You can do that the whole rest of the year.  Do something fun and creative.  Here are some great ideas from Nest of Posies.  I especially love the mini-Dwight. 

Another important aspect of Halloween is making sure you watch "It's the Great Pumpkin" at least 3 times.

I love the part where Sally gives Linus the business about cheating her out of "tricks or treats".  Hell does have no fury like a woman denied chocolate.  :)  I'm not one of those people who freaks out about Halloween.  I will not make my children dress as Bible characters and only go to church events labeled as "Harvest Celebrations" or "Trunks of Treats".  Those things are great but come on--live a little!  [I know, I know, I'm such a daring pastor's wife.]  I'm not into evil and ghoulish things but Halloween is supposed to be fun! 

*I waited an appropriate amount of time and lightning did not strike.

And don't even get me started on this guy:

I will not deny my children the magic of holidays.  I think there's a way to balance Christ and Santa, with Christ's birth taking center stage.  But I don't need to talk about that today.

I hope you're getting excited about Halloween!  If you need some inspiration, please visit some of these blogs:

Tidy Mom

Tatertots and Jello

Honeybear Lane

Tasty Kitchen
Mel's Kitchen Cafe

About to Pop

According to my calculations, it's time to have this baby.  I'm still 18 days from my due date, but there's no shame in being early.  But, she's still so high up that today my doctor didn't even check my cervix.  Last week the doctor said that he didn't think she would "drop" at all.  Also it seems she's flipped over and my perfectly-head-down-for-the-last-37-weeks baby decided that she's tired of being upside down.  Awesome.  I'll head back to the doctor on Wednesday for a sixth ultrasound and a discussion about when and how we'll deliver her, I presume.  In an effort to make light of an uncomfortable situation, I've compiled a list.

You might be ready to pop if...

Your toes have fat rolls.

You've worn a path from the couch to the bathroom.

You completely fall apart when you see the preview for next week's Parenthood.  [anyone else with me?]

Your husband: puts your shoes on for you, picks up anything below your waist, does all of the cleaning, and considers it a treat when he's invited to share the bed with you rather than sleeping on the couch.

You find yourself obsessed with strange things like dust on the door frames and not letting the recycling pile up.

Dressing up means not wearing one of your husband's t-shirts. 

You swear you can breathe fire.

Your doctor looks at you with sympathy, and even though he's delivered like 2,000 babies he has no freaking idea how you feel and doesn't offer up anything helpful.

You feel like this. I've shared this photo before but it is so worth repeating.

I'm not complaining; I am simply reporting the facts.  We are so thankful to have made it this far and covet your prayers as we face a potentially tricky situation over the next few days of what's left in this pregnancy.  Despite the fact that this was a total derailment to "my plans", it's been a great experience.  I pray that all of my sweet friends who are struggling with conceiving will find their paths to motherhood soon, even if it's not in the way they thought it would happen.  We are grateful to have been given the gift of our daughter, and seriously cannot wait to see her face.

We hope to finish getting everything ready in her room tomorrow [emphasis: hope].  Justin will be installing the carseat and that's really all that's left to do.  It won't be long before she's here, and all of this back pain, frequent urination, and lack of energy will all be worth it.  I have to say, I've enjoyed all of the ice cream and restaurant-picking of the last few months.  Thanks to all of you for offering up such encouraging words throughout this time!  It's been a great experience.  Perhaps not one I'd like to revisit, but amazing nonetheless.

Confession

I have something to get off my chest.

Are you ready?

Ok, here goes.

I am not on Pinterest. 

Did you see that?  I AM NOT ON PINTEREST. 

I haven't died yet, either.  I still get lots of great ideas from the blogs I read.  And maybe, just maybe, I have a few more minutes of time on my hands [to waste in other ways, of course].  It's not that I don't want to, I'm just not "pinterested".  I have a hard time jumping into what everyone else is doing.  It's like how I've never seen Titanic.  Except, I'm pretty sure eventually I will join the pinning phenomenon but I have no plans to see Titanic.  Ever. 

Speaking of pinning, maybe someone would pin this if I were pin-able.

Well, maybe they wouldn't based on my photography skills.  But I wanted to show off something simple that I made from stuff I already had in my craft closet.  I just took an old frame and lined the center with burlap.  In the center is just a throwaway coaster that looks like a leaf.  It's the last from a set of coasters I used to make invitations for a Halloween party back in 2009.  Cute, huh?  I have it hanging in our guest bath. 

What sorts of projects have you made for fall decor?  You're going to have to tell me here because I won't be following your Pinterest board.  :D

Anxiety

Now that I'm rounding third with this pregnancy, here's what I'm a Nervous Nelly about:

*I've never made croissants.  I really, really want to, but I haven't yet.  I need to make them before the baby comes or else I may never get to do it.  Also, I should make them while I still have an excuse to eat whatever I want.

*Justin has never been to Disney World.  We always said we'd go before we had kids but didn't get around to it.  Now we have to wait at least 4 or 5 more years.  I'm sorry, honey.

*Who's going to do my laundry?  I know people will be trying to help and all after the baby's born, but I do. not. want. help. with. my. laundry.  Capish?  I have a weird thing about my dirty clothes mixing with other people.  But what if I can't do it?  What if I have a C-section and can't bend over to get the clothes?  Aghhh!

*The baby has lots of hair...but what if it's too much?  I may or may not be the kind of person who points out the lack of cuteness in other peoples' babies, never thinking that my own baby might not be that cute. 

*What if I can't ever wear a bikini again?  Oh wait...