The older I get, the more authenticity in my relationships matters to me. Most of us have a few hundred friends on Facebook [not to mention the people we wish we were friends with in the Twitterverse]. But who are your real friends? For me, I would say less than 10. Maybe even less than 5. I feel like that's normal, especially for someone as socially awkward as me. I know a lot of people, and I do consider them 'friends', but there are a handful that I hope will be with me throughout my life, no matter what.
As life carries us about, we inevitably end some of our relationships [albeit unintentionally]. I have moved a lot in my lifetime, and based on my "research" I believe it takes approximately 2 years to feel settled into a new place and cultivate a comfortable friendship. When I was a kid, I moved several times and I always felt like it was the worst time possible because I was just getting to know the kids at my school.
I can think of one friend that I was just getting to know [during the last 6 months] when we lived in Fort Worth, but then we moved. We keep in touch on facebook sporadically, but I think we would have been very close if I had stayed in Texas. Another girl that I met right away when I moved to Fort Worth is one of my best friends to this day, and I can attribute a lot of that to the fact that we had the better part of 2 years to grow our friendship.
When I moved to Atlanta, it took a really long time for me to feel like I fit in any kind of social circle. When I moved from North Carolina to Texas, I was single and it was easier to jump into being social. In our move to Atlanta, it was "us" and if you're married, you know that you tend to be, if even just a little, less sociable when you have a spouse. Two years into our time there, we finally felt like we had made some really great "couple friends". Then we moved again. We still keep in touch with our Atlanta friends but it's hard to feel connected due to distance. It's just a fact of life. We've lived in Kentucky for almost a year, and while I don't really feel like I've made any new friends, it has given me the opportunity to reconnect with old friends I have in the area.
Some of my single friends say that they find it harder to have relationships with married people. I've said for awhile now that it's hard to be friends with people who have children. Do you think that's true?
Have you ever been hurt by someone you considered a close friend? Boy, have I ever. And more than once, too. I don't have any answers as to why it happens or what to do about it. All I know is that at least in this instance, time does heal the wounds. Lots, and lots of time. As much as I've been on the receiving end of that hurt, I've also been on the giving end. I swallowed my pride and made ammends and fortunately, still have one of my best friends to show for it. Maybe this happens more with girls than with boys. When girls are born, we have all of the eggs we will ever need. Unfortunately, this is no barometer for drama.
I've been thinking a lot lately about those people I know who are socially outcast. You know the type: awkward, shy, don't really have a close-knit group of friends. I see this especially with the college students we work with, but it spans all age ranges. How does the Lord want us to minister to these people? Sometimes we work hard to make sure they don't feel alone, but we fail to really include them. People often say that loneliness is the worst feeling in the world, but I don't agree. I think exclusion is far worse. A lot of the time loneliness can be a choice or the result of a situation [i.e. moving], but exclusion is something someone else does to you.
Let me give you a personal example. I was once in a situation where I was surrounded by several people I knew, one of which was a long time friend. My friend had coordinated this event and I relied on her to include me, and assumed that I would have been important to the situation. I was wrong. Not only was I excluded, I even felt like my friend looked past me to people who were "more important". I felt on the outside of the situation. It really hurt my feelings, and sent me down an emotional path that caused me to question the foundation of this relationship. It got me to thinking, how often have I done/do I do this to others?
I want to be the type of Christ follower, person, and friend who makes other people feel important. I want other people to know the value I see in them and help them discover where they can best use their gifts. I don't want my friends to ever feel "on the outside" of our relationship. There really is nothing worse than that, in my opinion. It's also important to carry this into marriage as well. It's easy to take for granted that the person you married has to be your friend. My husband is my most important friendship. He was a close friend before we started to date and I want to make sure we always have that. I definitely don't want him to feel excluded.
Let me encourage you to look for those people you have in your world who are on the outside, and genuinely reach out to them. People know when you aren't being authentic, so pray for God to keep you honest in that endeavor. Take a chance on an unlikely friendship, and you might be surprised at how much you end up needing that person in your life.
"Two are better than one...for if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up." Ecclesiastes 4:9
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
A Franciscan Benediction
May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships
so that you may live deep within your heart.
May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression,and exploitation of people,
so that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.
May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger, and war
so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and turn their pain into joy.
And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in the world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done, to bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.
so that you may live deep within your heart.
May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression,and exploitation of people,
so that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.
May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger, and war
so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and turn their pain into joy.
And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in the world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done, to bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Small Town Livin'
If you know me, you know that living in a tiny town in central Kentucky is not my ideal place of residence. We live over an hour from the interstate and farther than that from what I refer to as "civilization". If we want to go to Target, a decent restaurant, or a sporting event we have to plan our whole day [sometimes weekend] around it. While I did not grow up in any metropolitan area, much of my adult life was spent in DFW and Atlanta rendering me unable to ever convert back into a small town girl.
Rather than lament about all the things I won't be doing in the near future, I thought I'd share some observations about living in a small town. Maybe you've found yourself in the same place I have. Consider this a survival guide, of sorts.
If we can't laugh...we might die [of boredom, that is].
Traffic- In this town, if you're stuck in traffic that means someone is driving their tractor on the highway. This is perfectly normal.
Cows- While I greatly appreciate their purpose, I do not appreciate their smell. With warmer weather comes the gentle perfume of muddy bovines wafting through my open windows.
Bud Lite- Is it "lite" or "light"? Well, either way people sure do like to drink it in my neck of the woods. So much in fact, that they forget where their trash cans are so they just throw the cans right out of their car window. You heard me. I'd like to know where all of the police are while these people are flinging beer cans out their window as they round the corner by my house.
Cigarettes- Did you know people still smoke? I had forgotten about it altogether until I moved here.
Reusable grocery bags- Almost every time I'm at the store in this town with a reusable bag the cashier tries to ring it up. Truthfully, there are actually a lot of people here that use them. I. don't. get. it.
Making friends- Forget it. "You ain't from around here, is ya?" Ok, ok, so people don't really say that. Well, most people don't. But the key to making friends in a small town is to find the people who are also not from that town and bond with them. That is your only chance. I recently met several women who are just like me. I recognized them by the glazed over "What the heck am I doing here?" look in their eyes.
Gossip- What people don't know about you they will make up. And even if they do know about you, they'll still make up their own stories. Just don't worry about it.
Sporting events- When we lived in Fort Worth and most recently, Atlanta, we enjoyed going to MLB games. We could easily hit up the Rangers/Braves whenever we felt like it. This year, we'll be grilling hot dogs on the back porch and watching them on tv [if we get that channel here]. In this town, people are obsessed with their kids sports. I mean obsessed. Again, I don't get it. This happens in all towns/cities, though it seems quite more influential here.
These are just a few funny things I've noticed lately 'round these parts. Everything isn't negative, but if I don't poke fun at what is negative then I won't have anything to talk about. Watch out for those tractors now, ya hear?
Rather than lament about all the things I won't be doing in the near future, I thought I'd share some observations about living in a small town. Maybe you've found yourself in the same place I have. Consider this a survival guide, of sorts.
If we can't laugh...we might die [of boredom, that is].
Traffic- In this town, if you're stuck in traffic that means someone is driving their tractor on the highway. This is perfectly normal.
Cows- While I greatly appreciate their purpose, I do not appreciate their smell. With warmer weather comes the gentle perfume of muddy bovines wafting through my open windows.
Bud Lite- Is it "lite" or "light"? Well, either way people sure do like to drink it in my neck of the woods. So much in fact, that they forget where their trash cans are so they just throw the cans right out of their car window. You heard me. I'd like to know where all of the police are while these people are flinging beer cans out their window as they round the corner by my house.
Cigarettes- Did you know people still smoke? I had forgotten about it altogether until I moved here.
Reusable grocery bags- Almost every time I'm at the store in this town with a reusable bag the cashier tries to ring it up. Truthfully, there are actually a lot of people here that use them. I. don't. get. it.
Making friends- Forget it. "You ain't from around here, is ya?" Ok, ok, so people don't really say that. Well, most people don't. But the key to making friends in a small town is to find the people who are also not from that town and bond with them. That is your only chance. I recently met several women who are just like me. I recognized them by the glazed over "What the heck am I doing here?" look in their eyes.
Gossip- What people don't know about you they will make up. And even if they do know about you, they'll still make up their own stories. Just don't worry about it.
Sporting events- When we lived in Fort Worth and most recently, Atlanta, we enjoyed going to MLB games. We could easily hit up the Rangers/Braves whenever we felt like it. This year, we'll be grilling hot dogs on the back porch and watching them on tv [if we get that channel here]. In this town, people are obsessed with their kids sports. I mean obsessed. Again, I don't get it. This happens in all towns/cities, though it seems quite more influential here.
These are just a few funny things I've noticed lately 'round these parts. Everything isn't negative, but if I don't poke fun at what is negative then I won't have anything to talk about. Watch out for those tractors now, ya hear?
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies with Dark Chocolate Chunks
Ingredients:
3/4 cup whole wheat flour
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1 stick unsalted butter, at room temp
1/2 cup white sugar
3/4 cup brown sugar
1 egg
1/2 cup all natural peanut butter [I like chunky]
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups whole oats
3 oz. good quality dark chocolate, roughly chopped
In a small bowl, whisk together the flour, salt, soda, and cinnamon. In another bowl, use your mixer to combine the butter and sugar until it's light and fluffy. Then add in the egg, followed by the peanut butter and vanilla. Lastly, add in the oats and you're ready to bake!
I baked mine on a silpat to keep them from sticking or getting too brown on the bottom. If you don't have one [although you really should invest in one], just use parchment paper or a lightly oiled baking sheet. I used a large cookie scoop, as always, and baked these at 350 for about 12 minutes. You can adjust the baking time according to the size you make your cookies. When they came out of the oven, I let them sit on the baking sheet for a couple minutes just so they wouldn't fall apart when transporting them to the cooling rack.
Let me just say that I made these cookies on Friday and on Sunday I made them again because we were having company. The second time, though, I didn't add chocolate and...I actually like them better. Here's what those looked like:
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
The Baked Brownie
If I had only enough breath left in me to share one more recipe, this would be it.
[pause for dramatic effect]
Seriously. Have you ever been to Baked? I haven't. They're in Brooklyn, NY and Charleston, SC. They have two cookbooks. I want to share with you their brownie recipe. Incidentally, it's very famous and even Oprah claims it to be her favorite brownie. And if she says something is her favorite, it's practically Biblical.
I consider myself to be a pretty good baker. I make everything from scratch and can usually pull off even the most complicated of desserts. However, my brownies always turn out like crap. Brownies were my kryptonite, the one recipe that would leave me scratching my head asking, "What did I do wrong?" Well, not anymore sister.
I'm begging you to make these. I promise you'll be so glad you did and you'll forget all about those Ghirardelli boxed mixes. You may be wondering if this particular recipe is better than the one you use. Let me put it this way: If world peace is to be achieved, it will be through this brownie. Chewy, dense, fudgey...everything a brownie is supposed to be. So get in your kitchen and crank these out!
Ingredients:
1 1/4 cups all purpose flour
1 tsp salt
2 Tbsp dark unsweetened cocoa powder
11 ounces of dark chocolate, coarsely chopped
1 cup [8 oz.] unsalted butter, cut into 1 inch chunks
1 tsp instant espresso powder
1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
5 eggs, at room temperature
2 tsp vanilla extract
Directions:
Preheat your oven to 350. Lightly butter/oil the sides and bottom of a 9x13 glass or lightly colored baking pan. Line with parchment paper if you want.
In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, salt, and cocoa.
Put the chocolate, butter, and espresso powder in a large bowl and set it over a saucepot with about an inch of simmering water in the bottom [a double boiler]. Stir occasionally until everything is nice and smooth. Turn off the heat but keeping the bowl over the pot, stir in the sugars. When completely combined, you can remove the bowl from the saucepan.
*At this point, I transferred this mixture to a larger mixing bowl because you're going to be adding everything else to this mixture.
Next, whisk in 3 of the 5 eggs. Then add the remaining eggs and the vanilla and mix until just combined. Be very careful not to overmix or your fudgey brownies will become cakey.
Sprinkle the flour mixture over the top and fold in with a rubber spatula until you can only see just a little bit of flour.
Spread the mixture into your pan [if you can keep from eating it all] and smooth the top. Bake in the center of your oven for 30 minutes. Let them cool completely before cutting. If you line your baking pan with parchment overlapping the sides, you can use this to pull the brownies out before slicing.
You can store these in an airtight container for up to 3 days...if they last that long.
[pause for dramatic effect]
Seriously. Have you ever been to Baked? I haven't. They're in Brooklyn, NY and Charleston, SC. They have two cookbooks. I want to share with you their brownie recipe. Incidentally, it's very famous and even Oprah claims it to be her favorite brownie. And if she says something is her favorite, it's practically Biblical.
I consider myself to be a pretty good baker. I make everything from scratch and can usually pull off even the most complicated of desserts. However, my brownies always turn out like crap. Brownies were my kryptonite, the one recipe that would leave me scratching my head asking, "What did I do wrong?" Well, not anymore sister.
I'm begging you to make these. I promise you'll be so glad you did and you'll forget all about those Ghirardelli boxed mixes. You may be wondering if this particular recipe is better than the one you use. Let me put it this way: If world peace is to be achieved, it will be through this brownie. Chewy, dense, fudgey...everything a brownie is supposed to be. So get in your kitchen and crank these out!
Ingredients:
1 1/4 cups all purpose flour
1 tsp salt
2 Tbsp dark unsweetened cocoa powder
11 ounces of dark chocolate, coarsely chopped
1 cup [8 oz.] unsalted butter, cut into 1 inch chunks
1 tsp instant espresso powder
1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
5 eggs, at room temperature
2 tsp vanilla extract
Directions:
Preheat your oven to 350. Lightly butter/oil the sides and bottom of a 9x13 glass or lightly colored baking pan. Line with parchment paper if you want.
In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, salt, and cocoa.
Put the chocolate, butter, and espresso powder in a large bowl and set it over a saucepot with about an inch of simmering water in the bottom [a double boiler]. Stir occasionally until everything is nice and smooth. Turn off the heat but keeping the bowl over the pot, stir in the sugars. When completely combined, you can remove the bowl from the saucepan.
*At this point, I transferred this mixture to a larger mixing bowl because you're going to be adding everything else to this mixture.
Next, whisk in 3 of the 5 eggs. Then add the remaining eggs and the vanilla and mix until just combined. Be very careful not to overmix or your fudgey brownies will become cakey.
Sprinkle the flour mixture over the top and fold in with a rubber spatula until you can only see just a little bit of flour.
Spread the mixture into your pan [if you can keep from eating it all] and smooth the top. Bake in the center of your oven for 30 minutes. Let them cool completely before cutting. If you line your baking pan with parchment overlapping the sides, you can use this to pull the brownies out before slicing.
You can store these in an airtight container for up to 3 days...if they last that long.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Bruschetta
Bruschetta can be many different things. It literally means "roasted over coals" [isn't grilled bread so amazing?!]. I want to show you how I make really quick bruschetta, which is now my lunch of choice. Until I move onto something else, that is.
You will need a couple slices of bread [whatever you have is fine], tomatoes, salt, pepper, herbs, garlic, and parmesan cheese. Rather than roasting over coals, I get my cast iron up to a medium heat and toss in some olive oil and a little butter [don't judge]. Then you'll cook the bread on both sides and take it out of the pan. Rub it with a garlic clove if you like that sort of thing.
At this point the pan is so hot that you don't have to cook them very long, just until they start to burst. Then top the bread with these, add some pepper, and grate some parmesan cheese on top.
Delicious!
You will need a couple slices of bread [whatever you have is fine], tomatoes, salt, pepper, herbs, garlic, and parmesan cheese. Rather than roasting over coals, I get my cast iron up to a medium heat and toss in some olive oil and a little butter [don't judge]. Then you'll cook the bread on both sides and take it out of the pan. Rub it with a garlic clove if you like that sort of thing.
Next throw in some halved graped tomatoes with oregano, basil, or whatever you like, and a crack of sea salt.
Monday, February 14, 2011
On Valentine's Day...
"You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you." I've never read the book [Pride & Prejudice] but I love Mr. Darcy's proposal, especially the last line.
Speaking of things that we love, I thought I'd share some of my favorite dessert recipes today.
Molten Lava Cakes - Can't go wrong! It's probably what I'm making tonight.
Chocolate Bundt Cake- Got lots of people coming over? This will cure their chocolate fever!
Mocha Silk Pie- Feel like pie? My oh my! Ok, maybe I'll have to make this tonight because it is definitely magical.
Red Velvet Cupcakes- A festive and delicious way to celebrate Valentine's Day!
The *best* Chocolate Chip Cookies- Maybe cakes and pies aren't your thing. These are gooey and amazing!
Peanut Butter Pretzel Tart- Just in case you're not in a chocolate mood [although I topped this with drizzled chocolate]. This is as decadent and rich as any of the other recipes I've shared, but peanut butter takes center stage.
I know it can be tempting to just pick up a dessert at the store, or order it out at the restaurant you're eating at tonight...but don't! Imagine how your sweetie will feel when they come home to a delicious sweet treat made by you! Have fun!
Speaking of things that we love, I thought I'd share some of my favorite dessert recipes today.
Molten Lava Cakes - Can't go wrong! It's probably what I'm making tonight.
Chocolate Bundt Cake- Got lots of people coming over? This will cure their chocolate fever!
Mocha Silk Pie- Feel like pie? My oh my! Ok, maybe I'll have to make this tonight because it is definitely magical.
Red Velvet Cupcakes- A festive and delicious way to celebrate Valentine's Day!
The *best* Chocolate Chip Cookies- Maybe cakes and pies aren't your thing. These are gooey and amazing!
Peanut Butter Pretzel Tart- Just in case you're not in a chocolate mood [although I topped this with drizzled chocolate]. This is as decadent and rich as any of the other recipes I've shared, but peanut butter takes center stage.
I know it can be tempting to just pick up a dessert at the store, or order it out at the restaurant you're eating at tonight...but don't! Imagine how your sweetie will feel when they come home to a delicious sweet treat made by you! Have fun!
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